So, how many of us are planning to see "Brokeback Mountain", the emotional tale of two gay cowboys and their torrid affair on the Range (and on the fridge….the dining room table…..the floor….the coffee table…..the couch…..) I dunno ‘bout you, but I’m just all a-quiver. Can’t wait to have some of the following questions asked…..
1. Do they ride sidesaddle?
2. Do they carry sixguns or Derringers?
3. Do they "mosey" into town, or "sashay"?
4. Do they have the "gunfighter’s slouch", or the "buns-tighter crouch"?
5. When they go into town, do they head for the saloon or the salon?
6. Do they play pok-er or poke-im?
7. When playing cards, are Queens wild?
8. Do they play 5-or-7 hard stud? Or both?
9. Do they drink whiskey or Zima?
10. How many hats and pairs of boots do they own?
All in all, though, I suppose that these questions will just have to go unanswered, because I of course have no desire whatsoever to see this movie.
Of course, given the odd proclivities of the Hollyweird elite, I’m sure we’re looking at the next Best Picture award, whether it’s any good or not. It’s a progressive film about two gay men, and that’s all that will matter to them.
Note to Heath Ledger, though:
If your ex-girlfriend tells you you’d be perfect for the part of a gay cowboy…..it may be time for a little introspection.