Which superhero would you send after Osama?
I mean, Let’s face it, the guy meets all the accepted criteria to be considered a supervillain right out of the comics, movies or action/adventure literature.
Let’s review, shall we?
1. He has more money than God.
2. He could be considered an evil genius.
3. He has seemingly innumerable, completely disposable and nameless yet well-armed henchmen who seem to be relatively easily dispensed with, especially when faced with anyone other than innocent, unarmed people. Unless, of course, said people are in some way highly motivated to act (witness Flight 93); then it’s a tossup.
4. He has a worldwide, shadowy network of contacts and associates who work with or for him.
5. He has a secret lair.
6. He wants to destroy Western Civilization and replace it with a worldwide Caliphate, in which he would undoubtedly hold some great power; so, I suppose you could say he wants to rule the world. In a way, at least.
If that’s not a supervillain, I don’t know what is.
This begs the question of which superhero would be most suited in taking the assigned mission of bringing in this ultra-baddie, one way or the other.
1. James Bond----Bond would seem a perfect choice for this mission. After all, it would involve international intrigue, lots of guns and exotic locales. But then, Islamic nations, on the whole, tend to frown on hot, sexy chicks in skimpy bikinis, so I doubt Bond would be interested.
2. Superman----A fine choice, considering the problems we’ve had in locating Osama in the area he’s chosen to hole up. Superman could simply scan the mountains with his X-Ray Vision, find the scumbag, then tear the mountain open like a potato chip bag and grab him. Or, he could use his Super Breath to suck all the air out of the caves, causing Osama and his goons to stumble, gasping, into the waiting arms of the Man of Steel. But, with all the resources at Osama’s disposal, he’d probably have a nice supply of Green Kryptonite close at hand to fend off just such an attack.
3. The Punisher----He’d have enough guns, that’s for sure, but The Punisher tends to stick with organized crime and bad guys who wear silk suits, sunglasses and gold chains, chew toothpicks and have names that sound like the menu at Pasta Warehouse. "Osama bin-Laden" isn’t a name that would leap out at him.
4. Captain America----Too obvious; Osama would see this one coming a million miles away.
5. J’onn J’onzz (The Martian Manhunter)----Not bad….he’s a shapeshifter, you know. He could turn into a pig and flush them out that way, then he could turn into a toilet and flush a few copies of the Koran. Hmmm…..
6. Wonder Woman----My personal choice for the mission. Think about it….she’s female, which would be a terrible humiliation for the sleazeball and his cronies, to be beat up and captured by a mere woman. Then, being a woman, she could go all Abu Grahib on him, putting her panties on his head and draping that cool Golden Lasso of Truth around his neck and making him bark like a dog. When she got finished having fun, she could use that Golden Lasso to make him admit to all the world that he cares not one whit for Allah, the Koran, or even Islam in general. All he cares about is his irrational hatred of the West and America in particular, and his desire to kill as many of us as possible, and use his people as suckers and an unending supply of fanatically willing cannon fodder.